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TED演讲 | 在社交媒体时代如何保护私人生活

萌宠菠菠乐园
2024-12-02 17:32

在公众眼中长大的布莱斯·达拉斯·霍华德经历了很大的压力。她在社交媒体上与全世界分享她的生活。但在母亲坚定的指导下，霍华德学会了设定个人界限，品味私人生活的温暖。在这篇个人演讲中，她借鉴了三代人的家庭智慧，提醒我们注重自己的个人生活。

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In 2016, I filmed an episode of Black Mirror called Nosedive. It's about a woman named Lacie who lives in a futuristic world where everyone rates your social interactions. And for anyone who hasn't seen it, a little spoiler. I basically have a nervous breakdown, trying really hard to get liked. For many, the episode felt a little too familiar.

2016年，我拍了一集《黑镜》，叫做《急转直下》。它讲述了一位生活在未来世界中的女性蕾西的故事，在这个世界中，大家会对你的社交行为评分。如果有人没看过，我在这里剧透一下。在剧中，我基本精神崩溃，想尽办法去得到喜爱。许多人都对这个情节太熟悉不过了。

Until recently, only a small fraction of the human population lived their lives publicly. And while we haven't entered the Black Mirror world yet, we've entered a new era. Everyone has access to a global audience. We all live in public. Some more willingly than others. There's pressure to share more of ourselves than we want. We often feel we have no other choice. To be relevant. To fit in. To get ahead. To be trusted and liked.

直到最近，也只有一小部分人生活在公众的眼中。虽然我们还没有进入《黑镜》里的世界，但我们已经进入了一个新时代。每个人都可以受到全球的关注。我们的生活完全公开。一些人更愿意这样，其他人则拒绝。我们也面临压力，要更多但却违心地分享自己的生活。我们常常觉得自己别无选择。要合群。要融入环境。要出人头地。要受到信任和喜爱。

Accepted and understood. This new compulsion toward self-exposure is possibly the biggest social experiment in history. We're making life-altering decisions about our personal boundaries with no guidance and no precedent. Fortunately, there is a blueprint. Anyone who's lived in the public eye as an athlete, a politician or an entertainer has navigated a version of this. My dad has been a public figure since he was five years old, as an actor, a child actor, and later as a director.

要被人接受和理解。这种自我曝光的新冲动可能是有史以来最大的社会实验。关于个人界限，我们正做出改变一生的决定，但却无法获得指导，也没有先例可循。幸运的是，我们有一个行动方案。生活在公众视线中的任何人，例如运动员、政治家或艺人，都可以遵循这个版本的行动方案。在五岁时，我爸爸就成为了公众人物，他是一名小童星，后来成为了导演。

And I've been an actor since my early twenties. In fact, my family has been in the business of entertainment for three generations, contending with how to handle putting ourselves out there for the last 70 years. My mom, Cheryl, never wanted to be in the public eye. She just happened to love a man who is. My mom met my dad, Ron, when they were 16. And by that point she had flown solo in an airplane, joined an all-boys gun club, gotten in tons of fist fights and helped her single dad raise her younger sisters.

在20岁出头的时候，我成为了演员。实际上，我家三代人都一直从事演艺事业，过去70年来都努力在那个圈子里出人头地。我妈妈谢莉尔从不想引人注目。她只是碰巧爱上了一位公众人物。我妈妈遇到我爸朗时，他们16岁。在那之前，她独自一人，生活在男人圈里，经常打架斗殴，并帮助单亲父亲养育自己的妹妹。

This is to say, my mom was a passionate, busy young person who initially ignored the attention of the famous boy in her high school. It was the early 70s. And my dad was known for playing Opie in the Andy Griffith Show. And he'd soon film a pilot for a new show called Happy Days. Much of this was lost on my mom. The only thing she watched on TV was Star Trek. It's true. After they finally joined forces, after he actually proposed three times, and had kids, my mom transformed into a full-on warrior woman, ready to protect.

也就是说，我妈妈当时是一个易怒、忙碌的年轻人，最初，虽然受到高中一个出名男孩的关注，但她并未理睬。20世纪70年代早期，我爸因为在《安迪·格里菲斯秀》中扮演奥佩而出名。不久，他就出现在新节目《欢乐时光》中。这其中的许多节目我妈妈都没有看过。她只在电视上看过《星际迷航》。确实是这样。在他们终于在一起后，实际上，他求婚过三次，并有了孩子之后，我妈妈完成变成了一个女汉子，随时准备去保护孩子。

But it wasn't until I was given a movie at preschool as a way to get it to my dad...that my mom realized his visibility was extending to the entire family, and that she would need to prepare us for something she herself had never experienced. Growing up in the public eye. And this entailed some extreme parenting tactics. First. No coddling, like ever. As a kid, I was terrified of snakes. So my mom got me a pet snake.

但是，直到我在上小学前拿到了电影剧本，进入我爸爸的圈子时……我妈妈才意识到，爸爸的名气已经影响到整个家庭，她需要为我们做好准备，去应对她自己从未经历的事情。在公众眼中长大。这需要一些极端的养育方法。首先，从不溺爱，从来没有。作为孩子，我很怕蛇。于是，妈妈给我弄了条宠物蛇。

When I blanked at my first piano recital and ran offstage crying, my mom insisted I stay and support my peers. Years later, when my son grimaced at a chipmunk carcass, our cat had left in the driveway, Cheryl made him clean up the remains. My mom wanted to toughen us up so we'd have more courage and less fear when dealing with uncomfortable situations. So that meant zero coddling. Put your comfort away, she'd preach. Any challenge that arose was an opportunity to find your sea legs.

第一次钢琴表演时，我脑中一片空白，哭着跑下了台，但妈妈坚持要我留下，为同伴鼓劲。多年后，我儿子对着我家的猫丢在车道上的花栗鼠尸体做鬼脸时，谢里尔让他去清理老鼠尸体。我妈妈想要我们强大起来，以便我们有更大的勇气去面对棘手的情况，而不会感到害怕。那也就意味着从不会溺爱孩子。放弃舒适，她总是这样说。出现的任何挑战都是你学习本领的机会。

Next up, confidence comes from character, not our looks. Cheryl was a giant buzzkill. When she noticed me glancing in the mirror as a kid, she decided to nip that in the bud immediately by covering up all the mirrors in the house. A loving compliment was: You have wonderful character. Not, You're beautiful. Oh, and character was built by doing chores. When I wasn't mucking out the goat barn, I was shearing sheep, changing tires, scrubbing toilets, volunteering, shoveling snow.

其次，自信源自品质，而不是长相。谢莉尔随时会泼人冷水。小时候时，她注意到我瞥了一眼镜子，于是她决定遮住家里的所有镜子，立即扼杀我的臭美之心。动人的赞美是：“你品质优秀”。而不是“你很美”。哦，品质源自于做家务。我不是在给羊圈除粪，就是在剪羊毛、换轮胎、刷马桶、做志愿者、铲雪。

Cheryl believed that hard work, particularly in service of others, breeds confidence. A trait we need more and more of when exposing ourselves to any kind of public attention. But perhaps the most important lesson was: a private life makes a public life worth living. Cheryl saw that while fame came with many blessings, there was an impact and a potential cost to living your life in public. And so more than anything, she, like my grandparents before her, emphasized the value of privacy. Because cultivating a private life is precious. It's sacred.

谢莉尔认为，辛苦劳动，特别是服务他人，会培养自信。当我们的私生活越来越受到公众关注时，我们会需要这种特质。但是，可能最重要的教训是：私生活让抛头露面更有价值。谢莉尔发现，虽然成名会带来许多好处，但受到公众关注也会造成影响，并可能需要付出代价。因此，她像我的祖父母一样，都十分注重保护隐私。因为独处时光非常宝贵。这是件神圣的事情。

Its value is inherent in what you don't share. What you withhold. And for whom. The world is now one big small town. But within that virtual town square, there are tiers of relationships, degrees of intimacy, and everyone deserves a different amount of you, a different side. Now, where those boundaries lie is up to you. But in order to make those decisions, we must all be our own Cheryl, our own protectors. Because it's tempting to think that the more I share, the more ways you have to connect with me.

它的价值根植于你不会分享的事情，你保留的情感，以及你保护的对象。现在，世界就像一个巨大的小镇。但是，在虚拟的镇广场内，会有一层层的关系，各种亲密程度，你与大家的亲密程度不同，关系不同。现在，如何划分这种边界，需要你自己来决定。但是，要做出那些决定，我们必须借鉴谢莉尔的做法，做自己隐私的保护者。因为，我们很容易会想到，我分享得越多，大家与我建立联系的方式就越多。

But there's a specialness in knowing that whatever I share with my husband or my kids or my best friend is just for them and no one else. Without that inner circle, we're left with shallowness and a void. We're known, but never truly known, even to ourselves. Living in public asks us to be brave and bold. But preserving a private life empowers us to take those chances. So when my 15-year-old son started a YouTube channel and my 10-year-old daughter asked to join TikTok, I asked myself: What would Cheryl do?

不过，特殊的地方在于，我应该明白，我与老公、孩子或好朋友分享的事情，仅限于与他们分享，而不包括任何其他人。如果没有那个核心圈子，我们就会感到肤浅和空虚。我们虽然是名人，但从未真正为人所知，甚至不了解自己。作为公众人物，我们需要勇敢无畏。不过，保护隐私给了我们那样的机会。因此，当我15岁的儿子开办YouTube频道，10岁的女儿受邀加入TikTok时，我问自己：“谢莉尔会怎么做呢？”

As much as I want to protect my kids, I know encouraging them to opt out is not the answer. So I don't want my kids in the digital fray until they know who they are. But you develop your sense of self by participating in the world. So I try to help them discover themselves through these technologies, not despite them. And I give myself that same protection and motherly advice by honoring two main principles. The two day delay. So whatever I'm experiencing, I try to wait 48 hours before posting and sharing.

我想尽可能地保护孩子们，我知道，鼓励他们退出并不是解决办法。我不希望孩子们在认清自己之前陷入数字争吵。但是，你只有参与社会生活，才能培养自我意识。因此，我尝试通过这些技术来帮助他们发现自我，而不是逃避。我也给自己提供同样的保护和慈母般的忠告，方法就是遵循以下两个主要原则。推迟两天。因此，无论遇到什么事情，在公布和分享之前，我会试着等待48小时。

Because that way I can be present in private with the people I love before calculating how I'm going to publicly position it. And post with purpose. Before I share, I ask myself: Why? What's the purpose? And most importantly, how does it serve the people I love? The dangers and opportunities of living a life in public existed, honestly, way longer before any of this. But it's important to know what my family knew then and knows now. That your true value is measured by the richness of your private life.

因为那样的话，我就可以先与我爱的人呆在一起，思考如何公开做出说明。带着目的去发布信息。在分享之前，我会问自己：为什么要分享？目的是什么？最重要的是，它对我爱的人有什么影响？受到公众关注，其中的危险和机遇并存，老实说，比以前的任何危险和机遇都要大。但是，我必须了解家人过去和现在的想法。你真正的价值，由个人生活的充实程度来衡量。

The piece of you that only a select few, or perhaps only you, has access to. Because the legacy we create in private is as powerful and lasting as any public accolade. Perhaps even more so. Thank you so much.

你的内在，只有少数人，或者可能只有你自己才可以触碰。因为我们私下创造的遗产，和任何公众赞誉一样丰富而持久。甚至可能更加持久。非常感谢！

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